I just woke up to a nice little email from Tracy. She asked me to post her email so I will. This post, like the previous one, is not about dissing her. This whole website is about my life and what I learn from my experiences. If I ever write about something I knew wasn’t the truth then the lie would be on me. I would rather not write until I was ready to do so or just not do it. I don’t have to.

It is sad, but true: when you have friends to support your decisions whether they are good or bad and you don’t take the time to think things through, you end up missing on the learning that would have come out of the experience. Haven’t we’ve heard this type of great support before? “Fuck her, you just need to get laid,” “He’s a jerk, you can do better than that,” “Men are such assholes,” etc. What do friends know? Do they know and appreciate the boyfriend who helped take care of the girlfriend’s nephews the best way he knew how for several months? Or do his friends understand how much he appreciates his girlfriend for taking care of him and showing him around when he had just moved into a new country and the whole world seemed like new again? These are the types of personal connections that make boyfriend/girlfriend relationships hard to walk away from and that friends don’t understand or sometimes even know they exist when they try to help. It is definitely not a bad thing to have friends, but unless we start assuming responsibilities and taking complete control over our lives, friends are more of an obstacle to the process of becoming a better person.

Look at both sides of the coin. Somebody treated you wrong? Yeah, no doubt he or she might be a jerk, but what can you do to avoid that from happening again and with anyone else? Look into the things you can control to make yourself a better person. Yes, I have cheated and didn’t know how to communicate my emotions, but I’ve been practicing and learning about myself and I’m a better man now. I don’t get in relationships with girls if I don’t feel I can make a full commitment, and as far as communicating my emotions, well trying really hard and this blog have done wonders for me. I think I explained my perspective pretty well on I Believe in Two Sided Coins.

What else can I say? I wish Tracy the best, but unless she starts putting her emotions aside and depending so much on other people for moral support, nothing is ever going to change. Through my own experiences I’ve found that sometimes it’s good to take a break from life as I know it and look into myself to find the things I do wrong and fix them. I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I make no assumptions and I don’t feel like I know it all either. If I knew it all then I wouldn’t do anything wrong in the first place. I am my worst critic and my best teacher at the same time. The truth, that’s all I want. That way I can start understanding and making things better for myself.

Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like Tracy ever read the comment I posted a few days later on What Goes Around Does Come Around or the post on Waiting and Cheating. All there is to this whole thing is that because of my relationship with her I’ve become a better person. At this point there is nothing else that matters or that I want from it. I took the time to step away from my own ego, looked at everything from her perspective and I learned from the things where I was the problem. As for the things where she was the problem, I just look for girls that don’t have the same ones.

Here are her emails:

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On October 17th Tracy wrote:

Hey, I’ve been thinking about you lately…  How’s life?

I’m really sorry about the way I treated you.  I hope you’re really happy and feeling succussful.  Write to me sometime if you feel like it. 

Tracy

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On October 22nd I wrote about her email on What Goes Around Does Come Around.

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On November 29th Tracy wrote:

I was surfing the web and ran across your website.  Here are the true facts:  #1 I’m not lonely!!! #2 I apologized because I was trying to be nice, but the truth is you were an absolute asshole to ME during our relationship!!!  #3  What goes around comes around??? Then I guess you must have had or will have a girlfriend who cheats on you and is emotionally unavailable.

I certainly wasn’t trying to start things back up with you Antonio.  The thought has never crossed my mind.

POST THAT!!!

I’ve never felt more dead than when I was a subordinate to my parents or employers. I don’t think it’s right that I felt that way with my parents, but that’s what happened. As long as I live, I know I will be living the life I want to live or fighting to live that life.

I don’t think it’s right that people die without ever experiencing another culture or spending more than half their lives working just to meet their needs. But it’s also natural that people do these things because we’re afraid of the unknown. Having a job and knowing what to expect every day is a lot more easy than having a business and having to take big risks.

The risks entrepreneurs take are a hit or miss. You either make it or you don’t, and when there is a lot invested it could frighten anyone. Only does that truly believe in themselves will eventually succeed.

How is it possible that babies know to hold their breath underwater? And why is it that the first thing we do when we sense immediate physical danger is to protect our heads? Is it possible that the learnings from many generations ago became so embedded into our ancestors minds that they became a part of our “basic package” so to speak? It is the only reasonable explanation I have at this moment.

This preset behavior is something that we can clearly see in animals. Somehow pinguins know how to find their way to the same mating place every year and birds know how to make nests. These are proven techniques for the survivor of their species that were initially thought from generation to generation until eventually they became, like I said, a standard.

I also think we all continue to develop these standards. Right now for humans in economically developed regions it may very well be the ability to multitask. We drive cars and talk on the phone, watch TV and get dressed, eat and read at the same time. These are all things humans who live 200 years ago may have not been able to do. Another things that I’ve thought about for a long time is the air we breath. If we had the ability to bring from the past a person that lived in this world 1,000 years ago, will this person sofocate? Will the air be too inpure? It would be like taking a person from the United States and putting them in a place with high elevation without conditioning first.

I’m interested in learning more about this and figuring out how I can use it for a benefit today.

As you can tell from the watches I picked, I like them classic and simple. Nothing real fancy, it just has to work and look good, but not to the point where it just becomes ridiculously show offish.

What I like: they say she’s got a big ass, but that’s the least. She’s a hard working woman and she can keeps up looking good. Does she speak Spanish? That would be a plus. Nice hair color, good lips, nice skin tone, it’s all good.

What I don’t like: I’m going to get rid of this section.

What I like: I really liked her on The Sopranos. Not because of her character on the show, of course, it’s just a show, but she is a really good looking woman. I like her olive skin, her hair, cheeks, lips, tits, legs and smile. I get the feeling she also makes great conversations in real life.

What I don’t like: There is nothing not to like so far. She was married once, but that’s not a bad thing the way I see it. It just means she’s a little more sure of what she doesn’t like.

At some point in the past three years I lost my balls. At least I can admit it. I used to be happy doing the things I wanted to do and then I lost it all when I started taking other people’s considerations. Then I stopped being happy, I became a puppet. Now lately I’ve been back to my old self: relying on my gut feelings, making decisions and sticking to them and I couldn’t feel better about it. I’m starting to think that men (maybe women too) need confrontation every now and then to keep having balls. And maybe we all need to think a lot harder and rely a little more and what we learn.

I’m watching “American Beauty” right now. The main character puts it very well: “it’s like I’ve been in a coma and I’m just waking up.”

I have to make sure I don’t lose my balls ever again. I can’t be doing shit I know is not for me anymore. What’s the point in that? Taking orders from people I know shouldn’t be giving me orders, allowing my girlfriend to steer my decision into one I know is not the right one, allowing professors to disrespect the class when I’m a part of it, all of it is wrong and I can’t let it happen again.

There is no reason to be afraid… ever.

Primary research must have a bigger sample. Also, conducting research inside Pediatricians and Family Practitioners clinics is a better choice for a product that is to be regarded as “high quality.” It would also allow Flory to develop relationships with doctors (authorities). These relationships can be used to promote Baby King, as one of the competitors does: “4 out of 5 pediatricians recommend Gerber.” People being inquired should be able to sample the product. Questions regarding price should be eliminated. Also, include a question to find out how customers feel about the word “Organic.” Research shows Hispanics like organic products. Translate questions to Spanish. Do people think of organic as higher quality? Flory also needs to conduct research on Pediatricians to see if they would recommend it.

Most doctors don’t recommend feeding milk to babies under 1 years of age because it may cause kidney problems among other things. Can water substitute milk? If not, consider changing the “From 6 months” and “Prepare with milk” labels on packaging. Before introducing vegetable flavors, Flory must conduct a thorough market research on the topic. As for reducing the number of flavors offered at start, it is a good idea. However, Flory should research the flavors offered by competitors and learn which are the favorites amongst customers.

Baby King should retail their products in the same places competitors do and consumers are used to seeing them: grocery stores. The packaging must change completely: get rid of most of the text and include the words “Organic” in the box if it is positive reinforcement.

Pricing should be higher than competitors. Flory should devote its efforts to building a superior image through good packaging, recommendations by authorities such as Pediatricians, the fact that the product is organic and a taste babies love. Customers need to feel like they are upgrading to a better product, not saving a dollar or two at the expense of their newborns. They won’t.

Last week I had a group presentation in my Management class and I felt like I did a really bad job because I wasn’t prepared for what I was saying. At the beginning I babbled a bit and I didn’t spend a lot of time talking like I wanted to.

Yesterday I got the comments from the professor and the rest of the students on how the group did and to my surprise people had mostly good things to say about my presentation. They said I had a good and clear voice, the I have presence, that the way I presented the topic was easy for them to understand and I make for a good conversational style/no memorization speaker. A couple of students said I didn’t move away from the podium and I used “ums” a lot.

No doubt the comments made me feel good. While I’m only thinking about the things I could be doing better, people are looking at all the other things that made my presentation look good. Still, the lesson to prepare myself was well taken and now is engraved in the back of my brain.

Just an hour ago I had the chance to meet with a Billionaire for the first time. I wasn’t really expecting him to be any different than anyone else in the room, but it was good to here his experiences. I can say this though: I’m at a point where I just want to do things. I’m not that interested in listening anymore. Like I said, it’s good, but after a while you start hearing the same story over and over. It’s time to make my own story happen.

The name of the guy is Ted Waitt. He is the co-founder of a computer company called Gateway, which he started when he was 22 years old after dropping out of college. Now he lives in La Jolla, CA and spends a lot of time on phylantropic activities.

I remembered that when I was a little kid the teachers at school complained to my parents that I was always falling asleep. I even used to miss the recess time because of it. One time I woke up just after recess and two teachers were discussing what to do about my problem. It wasn’t the first time, so they wrote a letter to my parents and my dad took me to see my pediatrician and figure out what was wrong with me.

The doctor did some blood test and found out my hemoglobin was low. It’s an iron deficiency. I had to consume things rich in iron for a while and that seemed to cure things for the moment. It wasn’t the last time I fell asleep in class, but it was expected. Isn’t that when people do when the interest is not there?

I was just thinking about something I heard Tony Soprano say to a friend of his on The Sopranos. The friend was having business problems and Tony said something about dealing with the situation and not feeling sorry for himself. I don’t really like to take advice from fictional characters in TV shows, but this one is true. I’ve felt sorry for myself many times before and I can say for a fact that it is not good.

It’s like jealousy. I learned a few years ago to control and squash my jealousies. I like to say that “jealousy is a wasted emotion.” You spend time thinking about another person, what they’re doing and what not and you end up just doing damage to yourself. Tracy used to make me really jealous sometimes, especially when I was still in Panama and she was up here in California. I would call her late at night to talk to her and she would sometimes find an excuse to get off the phone or not answer at all. I would call over and over again, spend days thinking about what she was doing and hundreds of dollars I couldn’t afford to spare. For what? She was up here not thinking twice about the way I felt while I was living in hell. What I should have done, since it bothered me that much, was leave her ass right there and then. Done Deal.

I’m working on my Spanish homework right now. Sometimes in class I get the feeling that the professor is sarcastically making fun of me, but who really knows or cares more than I do. She’s always praising my work in class and saying how I get everything right. Whenever she is looking for the right word to translate something between English and Spanish she thinks maybe I can help. Honestly, I think maybe the problem is with me because I’m not used to people praising me. It feels awkward, but I just try to ignore it. The bottom line is she’s saying nice things and as long as I don’t act like I know it all I should be fine.

Today is election day, by the way. I’m casting my vote before class if I can. Polling places are said to be packed all over the country, but I just hope mine isn’t. It’s the first time in my life I’m elegible to vote. When I turned 18 Panama was going through elections that year, but I didn’t qualify on the age requirement by just a few days. The next time there were elections in Panama I was already living in the U.S.