I’ve decided that my main goals for this coming semester are to have more self discipline and continue working on being social, but this time I want to try to really get to know more people and not just know then superficially.

I’m thinking discipline is important for me at this point in my life because it’s something I’ve lacked for a long time and could help me accomplish my other goals. The last time I remember being completely disciplined was when I was in sixth grade. I don’t know exactly what happened that first week in school, but I simply decided I was going to start coming home and doing my homework. That year I was in the Honor Roll every bimester, I was the Mrs. Woods favorite student, I also was appointed a C.O.D. (Cuerpo de Orden y Disciplina) (Body of Order and Discipline), which is sort of like a student aid for the teachers/example for the rest of the students to follow and the next year I was assigned to the Plan Piloto (Pilot Plan) program, which is the classroom where all the smart kids go. It’s meant to increase competition amongst the students and help them feed of each other. I know there are similar programs in schools here in the states, but I don’t remember their names.

My point is that discipline has been good to me in the past. I am disciplined only with the things I care about the most and even then not all the time. I get this great ideas for business and I start working on them, but there’s always going to be some obstacle that is just too boring, hard, detailed, technical, whatever… and I eventually drop the project. If I had the discipline to just continue working on them even if it is just a little bit at a time then I can see all of those projects realized. At least that’s my theory right now.

I just finished doing my Finance homework. Something that I’ve done three times out of maybe ten times the professor has assigned one. It felt good just having something completed. If I would only do all of my homeworks and study a little bit every day, I know I would be getting straight A’s in this class.

So those are my goals.

Peace,

Part of the homework I was working on today for my Spanish class was reading an article by Cristina Peri Rossi and she believes that men love women that are superior to them and women also love men that they see as superior. It got me to thinking about it ’cause it just doesn’t sound right. No one with enough self esteem will actually admit that the reason she is with his or her partner is because they are superior. In fact, I think we all prefer to believe that we fall in love with people we see as our equal.

It’s not that we look at someone and feel they are superior, what we see is a person that can bring something to the table. Nobody likes having a partner they feel they are carrying or babysitting. We all want someone we can depend on and will have some qualities we either lack or are not as strong. This is the reason why men and women with money and fame prefer to marry someone like them. It is also the reason why men who have money, but are not very handsome will most likely marry a trophy wife and good looking women with no money are looking for men with deep pockets.

Like I said, it’s not superiority that makes a person fall in love. It’s that feeling of completion the other person brings. I think Cristina has some issues she might need to work on… she never used any names in her story, but she was way off about my feelings as a man.

I’m at a point in my music right now where it’s not fun to do what I’m trying to do. It will take time and determination to take it to the next level or I can leave things right where they are and it will not be anything new and special. I remember being at a similar point before. When I was doing a lot of computer programming for example, I remember there was a time when everything was hard and partly unnecessary. I didn’t really had to do the things I was trying to do in order to get to my final goals. I could have borrowed a program from someone else. But I had decided I wanted to learn it all and not take anything from anyone.

It’s a constant push, that’s all it is. It requires a discipline that I’m not applying right now. Today I’ve spent most of my day sleeping and doing my Microeconomics homework. I woke up around 4:00 a.m. because I went to bed early last night and I worked on my homework for about 7 hours then went back to bed. Woke up again 4 hours later and worked on my homework for another 30 minutes, got it done and started working on my music. I must have worked on it for about 30 minutes and then decided I was going back to bed. Now it’s 11:00 p.m. and I just woke up again…

I’m realizing that I will have to rewrite “One Night Stand” yet one more time. While I was recording it I feel it’s not sounding the way I want it to sound and at the moment I’m not a 100% sure why that is. I guess that if this shit was easy everybody would be able to do it right all time. Right?

Maybe I need to make some sort of step-by-step program that will help me get to the finish. I’ve done that before and it works.

I just finished writing the first verse for One Night Stand and I’m really liking it. It fits into the beat, but what’s important is that I preserved the story and actually made it even more interesting.

I got to do some homework right now, eat then go to a couple of classes so when I come back I’ll start working on the second verse. I’ll be reading my work every day just to make sure I still like it, so who knows what I’ll think about it tomorrow. I really don’t know how I could end up thinking it’s not good at all though.

I can’t wait to put everything together and make it sound real nice. In my head I already started picturing a video for it too. It’s not a porno, well it could be a little bit.

I spent the whole weekend working on my music and antoniobullen.com. I’m working on the homepage and linking the life gallery, life book, and whatever else I end up putting in, together. It’s looking pretty good so far. I like it. I’ll keep working on it when I have time. Right now I need to do my homework.

I’m also thinking about changing my International Business program a little bit. Instead of going for a triple degree program, I’m thinking dual degree but I’ll be going to a better university. I talked to my dad about it and he likes the idea. It will still take the same amount of time to finish but I’d rather have a degree from the best university in Latin American and another from one of the best International Programs in the USA than two other mediocre degrees.

About my music: I’m starting to feel the flow. Like it’s just coming. The more I practice it just keeps getting better. Now I’m able to put in print my ideas a little faster and with the microphone I’m recording myself and figuring out the areas in my speech where I need improvement. It’s all elemental.