Decisions are what life is all about. I’m happy with the ones I’ve made so far, and if I was to leave this world today I would go knowing that I lived a good life and made the right turns. Living in Mexico has opened my eyes a bit more. I understand myself a little better and I know which are the things that I have to work on. My goal here is to become a more social person. Sometimes my nature to be independent gets in the way of building long term relationships. I still keep in contact with friends in the U.S. and Panama, so I take it as if I’m doing something good in terms of the person I’d like to be in the future. Its hard to have a balance though. Everything takes time, whether I’m working on improving myself by becoming more intellectual or social. I also get tired of talking to people, especially when there nothing new to say (understandably so), but I’m good at faking interest. I’m much better at first encounters and introductions than I am at making relationships last.

This is something that I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of days and I felt like putting it down on paper since I haven’t written anything in a while. I’m out.

It was a pretty tough semester, but it’s finally done. I ended up taking an incomple on Finance because I didn’t do too great on the second test; bad enough that I needed a perfect score on the final to actually pass the class and how likely is that on a multiple choice test? Well, for me… very unlikely. I know it doesn’t sound very hard to do, but I have no luck if I ever needed it to be on my said. I’m like the Murphy Law in itself: if it can go wrong for me, it will go wrong. In any case, I’ll take the class again probably this coming year during the summer. I’ll be studying abroad for three semesters, but the first semester ends around may so I’ll take the class either during the month of June or July and hopefully be able to schedule things so I can still take a trip with my mom. She’d like to spend a week in Cancun with me and then two or three weeks in Europe or Asia. I think it would be a good time for the two us. Especially because I’ve only seen her for three days in almost 7 years.

Tomorrow I’m going to the Mexican consulate to get my student visa and from there it’s just a countdown till my departure. I already got my plane ticket and everything else I need. I am looking forward to Mexico. It should bring a lot of new experiences and a chance to travel again. I’ve spent way too much time in one place ever since I’ve been here in the US. Since I’ve been living in this country the problem hasn’t really been money, it’s been time. Somehow there’s never time. Either school or work is happening. Well like I said, I will be good to be in Mexico and life is not ridiculously expensive as it is here.

I heard this story from my Spanish professor today and thought it was very true:

An American man is in Mexico and while relaxing on the beach he sees a local man with what seems to be a big bag with something in it, approaching him. As the man gets closer he can see that the man is a fisherman caring a net with his catch of the day.

American: good day for fishing I see.

Fisherman: oh yes Sir, everyday!

American: that is great! You must have a lot of money.

Fisherman: not really, I fish for my family and a little to sell to restaurants.

American: what do you do during the rest of the day?

Fisherman: I like to spend time with my two sons and take siestas with my wife. At night I go out and spend time with my compadres. It’s a great life!

American: you know, I think you have the potential to do a lot more. I graduated from Harvard so I know what I’m talking about. I can help you.

Fisherman: how is that sir?

American: you should start a fishing business. You should spend more time fishing so you can sell more to the local restaurants. Then you should save the money you get and buy more boats, employ for fishermen and make more money. Eventually you will have enough money to start your own restaurant. If you continue to save you can have several restaurants and you will become the envy of the town. When you do all this you will be able to retire and live a very happy life.

Fisherman: and how long will this take?

American: about 25 years.

Fisherman: and what should I do when I retire?

American: well I just retired and I bought a house here in this town. Me and my wife are having a great time visiting the neighboring towns and now I know exactly why people here love the siestas so much! My grandchildren will come visit every summer and at nights I would like to…

The American stopped for a second and realized he had been wanting to live the life of the fisherman all his life. He smiled at the fisherman and said nothing else.

Fisherman: now you understand compadre?

American: let’s go for some cervezas… on me!

I’m able to move my shoulder a lot more now. I’m not taking any pain medication and the swelling is gone. It still hurts when I make certain movements, but I think it’s more about starting to exercise the shoulder again than the actual injury.

The hospital sent me another bill for $320. They are charging me a total of $800 even though they told me before that if I paid my bill within the first 10 days of the visit, they will give me a 40% discount. Obviously, I’m going to fight this charge. It shouldn’t be that hard because the receipts on the payments I made have as a description “discounted rate payment.” Also, when I went to the hospital the second time to take care of the remainder, the receptionist asked me if I wanted to pay the remaining balance of $280, not $600. This better be an oversight. I’m willing to go the distance on this one.

The medical industry is completely out of control with their charges. On my bill it also shows a charge on the emergency room for $500! And I was only there for less than an hour. Next time I’ll stay at the Hilton and pay for the doctor to just come see me. Shit it’s probably going to be less. It wasn’t even a private room, just a big room with beds and curtains on the side for a little privacy. The doctor charged over $400 and he saw me for less than 10 minutes. They also charged me more than $200 for equipment and all I got was a type of sling for my shoulder, which I know didn’t cost more than $20. I wonder how much the fabric in Mexico, where it was made, is getting compared to how much the hospital is charging.

I just thought of a few things I learned from this last trip to Tijuana:

1. My Mexican friends and I use different dialects: I like to say Spanish is the same wherever you go except for a few words, but after seeing my friends talk amongst themselves in Mexico I have to admit that we use different dialects. I try to stay away from words I know people that are not from Panama are not going to be able to understand, like “awebao”, “kabreao”, “vaina”, etc. I know now my friends do the same. They were using words I had never heard before. All of a sudden instead of licor (liquor in Spanish) it is “pisto”, and raza (race) was referred to as a group of people more than what I know it to be. I don’t even remember the words they were using, but 90% of the sentences were spoken in something I didn’t understand sometimes.
2. Taco shops are serious business: no doubt. It took a census to decide to what taco shop to go to and I see why. It’s an organized business. There are people to help you park your car, they’ve got people that just prepare the flour tortillas for the people that actually make the tacos. There is a big selection of tacos and it was packed. By the way, the women are beautiful…
3. I can’t go to Tijuana by myself: everybody kept telling me it’s really dangerous. There must be some truth to it. I don’t think I want to find out. They see me over there and they are not thinking Panamanian, they are thinking American so they come to me speaking English and expecting that I pay higher prices. One time they charged me $90 for a $15 bottle of rum..
4. I was reminded that when you’re a foreigner people like you better, at least initially: everybody is hospitable. They want you to leave with a good impression of where they are from. I’ve always wanted to show foreigners in Panama the best my country has. Oh yes, the women pay more attention to you too. Even if they’ve got a man they’ll be looking at you and curious. If you can speak their language it’s definitely a plus and the women are beautiful… did I say that already? I like my Latinas..

My report: I wish I could easily find more movies in Spanish like this one. Great story, I think it’s about things many of us have gone through even if it is to a lesser degree. I’ve seen this movie before, but for some reason I remember it having more nudity in it. That was something that I liked about the movie the first time I saw it. It goes to show how much my taste has changed. I’ve become very particular about what I like in a woman. I honestly feel like I can have any woman in the world and so I have upgraded my taste and become much more selective. People can make whatever they want about what I just wrote, but I demand a lot of myself. Shouldn’t I be allowed to ask my other half to try just as hard?

Rating:

About it: The romantic foibles of two young couples in Mexico — whose professional success has not led to personal satisfaction — forms the basis of this comedy with serious undertones. Carlos (Victor Hugo Martin) is a student of new age spirituality, while his wife Ana (Susana Zabaleta) is a good bit more interested in the pleasures of the flesh, leading to no small amount of conflict. Tensions increase when Tomas (Demián Bichir), an old friend of the couple and Ana’s former lover, comes to pay an extended visit. Elsewhere in the neighborhood, Andrea (Cecilia Suarez) is angry with her husband Miguel (Jorge Salinas), who doesn’t appear to put much stock in monogamy, and she’s even more annoyed when he announces that his former girlfriend Maria (Monica Dionne), who has just left her husband, will be their house guest for a while. After a great deal of arguing and soul searching, a temporary agreement is reached between the two couples and their friends — the men will stay in one apartment while the women will stay in another until cooler heads prevail. Sexo, Pudor Y Lagrimas/Sex, Shame and Tears was written and directed by Antonio Serrano, who adapted his own successful stage play. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

I got all of my grades back for the spring semester. I’m happy about most of them, but of course there’s one that bums me out. Here’s what I got

It’s good enough to increase my GPA and keep it at the level it needs to be to get in the International Business major so I’m not going to sweat it that much. Hopefully I won’t have to see another accounting class again in my life. The way I feel about accounting is that it’s important to know so I’m not blindfolded, but knowing all the details is not that important if I’m not planning on being an accountant. As a business manager I will hire the accountant to do the bookkeeping. My job is to oversee operations and make the business as profitable as it can be.

Tomorrow is the last day to register classes for the Summer. I need to take two classes and then I have one more semester here at SDSU before I move to Mexico to finish the major.

My report: I liked everything about this film. The story was great, the actors, the scenes… It was interesting from beginning to end. Sometimes it was funny, others tragic or educational. Parts of it reminded me a lot of Panama’s countryside. I really want to start traveling again because it’s something that I really enjoy. Watching this movie reminded me of times when it was all about me and also that it doesn’t have to stop being that way. The end reminded me that life is too short to be wasting it doing things we don’t want to do. When people are constantly doing things they don’t want to do, they are not being responsible, they are being submissive.

Rating:

About it: Mexican-born, New York-based filmmaker Alfonso Cuarón directed this Mexican box-office smash hit about a pair of randy upper-class buddies that sparked some controversy for its frank depiction of drug use and sexual exploration. With their respective girlfriends away in Europe, Julio (Gael García Bernal) and his upper-class friend Tenoch (Diego Luna) are looking forward to a summer full of drink, drugs, and cheap meaningless sex. During a wedding, they meet Luisa (Maribel Verdú) — the 28-year-old wife of Tenoch’s scholarly cousin — and try to convince her to go on a road trip to Heaven’s Mouth, a made-up beach paradise the two claim is on the Oaxacan coast. To their surprise, Luisa — who is looking to escape her troubled life for a spell — agrees to go along. Two days into the trip, tension starts to build between the two friends: Luisa has had sex with each, and now both lads are not-so-quietly vying for her affection. Soon simmering jealousies boil over into savage arguments, threatening to completely destroy their friendship. After an enormously successful run in Mexico and Guatemala, this film was screened to much acclaim at the 2001 Venice, Toronto, and New York Film Festivals. ~ Jonathan Crow, All Movie Guide

My report: It’s not the typical movie. I think most people will find it strange and boring. It takes place in the 1940’s and it moves slowly. At points, the characters even sing. I watched it all, but I wasn’t really into it. I kept waiting for the woman acting as the whore to get naked, but it never happened. I didn’t appreciate the art…

Rating:

About it: Legendary Mexican director Arturo Ripstein explores the mundane and sexual obsession in 1940s Mexico in his 2002 film The Virgin of Lust. Introverted Ignacio “Nacho” Jurado (Luis Felipe Tovar) spends his days waiting tables at the Cafe Ofelia and his nights amongst his voluminous porno collection. His world is turned upside-down when a prostitute named Lola (Ariadne Gil) begins hanging out at the cafe. Nacho is immediately smitten with the whore, but Lola’s mind is focused on a very brutish wrestler who’ll have nothing to do with her. Lola, a natural sadist, recognizes Nacho’s penchant for being dominated and she begins to fully exploit this chance to unleash her cruelty on a willing recipient. As the relationship settles into its regular perverseness, Nacho is presented with what he sees as an opportunity to capture Lola’s heart completely — to become a macho revolutionary hero by assassinating Francisco Franco. The Virgin of Lust was chosen for inclusion into the Upstream program at the 2002 Montreal World Film Festival, winning a Special Mention prize from that program’s jury. ~ Ryan Shriver, All Movie Guide

It’s late… I spent all day between school and sitting in front of the computer trying to get the gallery on antoniobullen.com to work. I think I finally did. Until I find another bug.

Tomorrow I have a breakfast at 9:00 for a 100% score from a secret shop at work. I also get $100. Not bad… Friday is the last day. I wish I could just focus entirely on my own thing but I know I’m going to have to find another job. I can’t put all the burden on my dad. He’s got his own bills to worry back in Panama.

I met with my counselor today about my International Business program. I want to switch from studying abroad in Mexico and Chile to just Mexico, but at the top university in Latin America. It can happen but I’ll have to spend another semester in the USA before I leave. I’m inclined to make the switch right now cause’ I’ll be saving myself a semester of studies. Meaning I’ll gradate faster. We’ll see what happens.

I started my journey back to Panama yesterday and it hasn’t been going to well. Right now I’m in bed with an upset stomach because of something I eat last night in El Salvador, and my whole body hurts because of the horseback riding.

A man just started singing on the street and I have to listen to all of it ’cause my room is right next to the street. Isn’t this great? It keeps getting better and better.

Tomorrow we are supposed to arrive in San Jose, Costa Rica and we’ll have to spend a night in the city. The trip has been filled with many experiences (good and bad), and some of them I don’t want to repeat.

I wish there was a train system that could take me all the way from Panama to Belize and into Mexico. I think it is a great idea and I don’t know why it hasn’t been done. It’s faster, more comfortable and economical.