I think one of the biggest problems in relationships is not the dishonesty that sometimes comes with it, but what happens after. If we know we’re not being respected and we continue to stay in that relationship, it goes from being the fault of one person to both. This is the point where as individuals we have to be strong enough to make the decision to not take it anymore. We need to respect ourselves if we are going to expect others to respect us. Unfortunately most people just don’t give undeserved respect.

I broke up with Anahi a few days ago and I haven’t talked to her since. I don’t know how our conversation got to the point where I was breaking up with her. It wasn’t my intention when I called her. A part of me knew it wasn’t going to work because I started seeing the differences between us. Even though we had many things in common, we have a lot more things that are not.

I’m afraid that I may never get to a point of caring so much for someone as I did before, but I don’t like tu use the word “never” and I’m keeping my hopes up that some day I will. The interesting part is that even though I would like to find a girlfriend I like being around and in love with, I also don’t want to find her any time soon. Simply because it’s not the right time.

I told Anahi that I know sometimes I don’t call and I disappear from everyone, but that’s just me and she had to understand that. She said she did, but that if she was around I should pay attention to her. It sounded like a fair deal, but I know that’s not what she really wanted. I know that she says that because I’m obssesed with my business ideas and her father thinks I will reach my goals some day. I know it is true that I will reach my goals, but if she sticks around simply because something her father said, she will not be happy. It was obvious to me she wasn’t happy, else we wouldn’t be talking about the way I am and what she would like. I think that in a relationship, it is better when two can live their own life without make much changes and living together happily. When I told her I didn’t know how much of myself I could give her and she said “it’s OK”, I knew I had to do something right then. She was giving away her happiness simply to conserve the image of a happy couple or who knows why, but I knew it wasn’t love.

Things turned upside down rather quickly and now she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I don’t blame her. I never thought we were moving too fast or doing anything we shouldn’t be doing, but she did. What can I do now? Anything I say will be used against me.

I thought we were going to last a lot longer and so did she, but I know that even if it hurts right now for both of us, we are saving each other some pain and time. Maybe someday she’ll see it the same way too. For now I just have to hope that she will talk to me again.

Is it worth it to tell my girlfriend everything about my past? I’ve done that before and it led to two and a half years of insecurities. My ex-girlfriend was never ever able to trust me “because of the way I used to be,” even though I never cheated on her, in her mind there was the strong possibility that I would because I did it to someone else. The relationship eventually ended and I know part of it were her insecurities.

Now I’m in another relationship and I’ve decided to tell as well… Telling the truth keeps my mind at ease and maybe it will make her trust me even more. I don’t have to worry about hiding anything and I don’t want to hide anything. Besides, I believe my girlfriend should accept me for who I am. Yes, I’ve made mistakes but I’ve also learned from them. Isn’t that what’s important?

She’s taking her time to get to know me and trust me. Hopefully things will be different this time. I don’t feel there is much I can do, but hope things go the right way and continue to follow up on what I say I am now with my actions.

It must be worth it to tell my girlfriend my past… if not for her then at least for my own peace of my mind.

This is part of the project I’m working on right now for my Marketing class. It’s on ethics:

Company X has been barred from entering the market in a large Asian country by collusive efforts of the local bicycle manufacturers. The company could expect to net $5 million per year from sales if it could penetrate the market. Last week a businessman from the country contacted the management of Company X and stated that he could smooth the way for the company to sell in his country for a price of $500,000. If you were responsible, what are the chances that you would pay the price?

Just by reading this summary it seems Company X has more to gain than to lose from paying the businessman and selling in the foreign country. However, if this was a real life situation, I would need more information before I could make a decision:

1- What does the $5 million represent to the overall profit of the company worldwide? It could be that the company is neting over $100 million a year. If that’s the case then risking being on the bad side of the foreign country is not worth it. Bigger investment opportunities in the future with the country could be lost.

2- Who is this businessman? Is he reliable? What kind of contacts does he have? What happens if this man decides to double-cross the company? Could the company end up paying him more money? And what does “smooth the way” really mean? Will the company be able to enter the market or just be a step closer? I definitely need to know more about this person.

3- How much would Company X have to invest to enter the market? Are we looking to import or set a division in the country? I need to know what the company will be left with after all expenses are paid.

To me this is a numbers decision and not an ethical one. Be ethical to whom? If Company X is entering the market then it means local customers can expect to get same price as before or better. The government will continue to charge their taxes so they don’t have anything to worry about. If anyone is being unethical it would be the local businesses for not allowing a free market to prosper and the local people to get better prices at a greater quality. Company X would be creating new job opportunities, we are the good guys. As for the businessman, if he checks out to be trustworthy, then it’s 100k now and the rest when the job is done. Money.

Antonio Bullen

Dave Smith is developing an advertisement for a new housing development his firm is about to start. The development is located in a low area which has flooded in the past. The company has recently done some work to reduce the danger of flooding in the future. In the preliminary advertisement, Smith has included a statement indicating that the firm has solved the flooding problem. The fact is that if a flood occurs, the homes are still likely to be flooded with up to five feet of water. If you were Smith, what are the chances that you would include the statement in the advertisement?

Stop! What is Smith thinking? He has got to think about the long term image of the company. My number one rule is “everything is possible,” and in this case what is possible is not good at all. Sooner or later  the development is going to flood. What does he think is going to happen next? Let’s assume for a second the homes never gets flooded, he still has to live with the possibility that it could and the company could be in big trouble then. Unless he 100% solves the flooding problem, he shouldn’t say the problem is solved. Better yet, he shouldn’t say the problem is solved, period! Well… not unless people already know of the problem. Why tell people they would be buying houses in an area that could have been flooded? Smith is suicidal, he needs medical attention, STAT!

The chances that I would include the statement on my advertisement are zero. The chances that I would stop investing in homes on that property are very good, at least until the flooding problem is completely solved. This should have been taken into consideration before buying the land. This is not so much an ethical problem, but one of stupidity. What bank lent money to Smith? This is exactly why we are on a recession.

Antonio Bullen

Joan Brown is vice president of marketing for Tangy Spices, a large spice manufacturer. Brown recently joined in a private business venture with Tangy’s director of purchasing to import black pepper from India. Brown’s private venture is about to sign a five-year contract with Tangy to supply its black pepper needs, but the contract is set at a price three cents per pound above contracts available from other spice importers that provide comparable service and quality. If you were Brown, what are the chances that you would sign the contract?

First of all, there wasn’t a non-compete clause set by Tangy Spices? That was a big mistake. I was a little confused as to the roles Brown and Tangy are playing. If Brown is going to be importing and then supplying the black pepper to Tangy, then he’s got nothing to worry about. On the other hand, if Tangy is the one supplying to Brown, then he should never sign that contract. It doesn’t matter that he works for the company. Whomever is on the receiving end of the deal is going to lose and should not sign. The price is higher yet the quality and service are lower than the competition? That’s a no-brainer.

Ethics… where does it play on this one…? Well, buying low and selling high is not unethical, it’s business. Given that this is B2B, ethics are even less important. Businessmen should know better. Eventually somebody has to go out of business even if it is by getting duped. The party supplying the black pepper has everything to win, but it could also damage the relationship on the long term. Luckily they will have five years to come up with a solution.

Antonio Bullen
John Garcia is working in product development for an auto parts contractor. Garcia’s firm received a large contract last summer to manufacture transaxles for use in a new line of front wheel drive cars. The contract is very important to Garcia’s firm because prior to obtaining it, half of the firm’s employees, including Garcia, had been scheduled for an indefinite lay off. Final testing of the assemblies ended last Friday and the first shipments are scheduled for three weeks from today. As Garcia was examining the test reports, he discovered that the transaxle tended to fail when loaded at more than 120% of rated capacity and subjected to strong torsion forces. Such a condiditon could occur with a heavily loaded car braking hard for a curve down a mountain road. While the driver would not lose control of the car, the resulting damage to the car would cost several thousand dollars to repair. The manufacturer’s specifications call for the transaxle to carry 130% of its rated capacity without failing. Garcia showed the results to his supervisor and the company president both of whom indicated that they were aware of the report. If they did not deliver the assemblies on time, they would lose the contract. If you were Garcia, what are the chances that you would notify the auto manufacturer of the defect?

What’s that smell? Smells like something burning… Oh I know! That’s the rubber burning after my Bridgestone tires exploded! Sounds familiar? This is a simple case: Garcia’s company shook hands on 130% not 120%, they need to live up to their word if they plan to stay in business over the long term.

What the company needs to be doing is figuring out how much time it will take them to fix the problem and deliver the parts as contracted. Can’t deliver on time? Fine, setup a call with the auto manufacturer and let them know before the due date comes around, but not before having at least one solution for the problem on hand. After all, Garcia’s company has some leverage on this situation: they could argue that it would take them less time to fix the problem than it would take another company to start from scratch. They can even use this opportunity to build a better relationship with the auto manufacturer by reducing the price, of course, offer only if it came down to it.

Since the question was about Garcia, I would say he doesn’t need to notify the auto manufacturer. That is not his job. Ultimately it is not his responsibility, but that of his supervisor and the president of the company. What Garcia needs to do is make sure his ass is covered and find a new job. With contract or not, the company is already in bad shape. This Titanic is sinking, grab a life vest while you can and jump! Sooner or later this thing is going to “explode”, and Garcia needs to make sure he has prove he notified his superiors.

Antonio Bullen

My report: this is not the kind of film the average movie person would like. The first half of the film is very boring, or serious I should say. It start getting more interesting on the second half, but don’t expect major action. I liked the end. I think it’s necessary to understand the history behind what was happening in order to really appreciate this movie. The entire movie was in German.

Rating:

About it: A man who has devoted his life to ferreting out “dangerous” characters is thrown into a quandary when he investigates a man who poses no threat in this drama, the first feature from German filmmaker Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck. It’s 1984, and Capt. Gerd Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe) is an agent of the Stasi, the East German Secret Police. Weisler carefully and dispassionately investigates people who might be deemed some sort of threat to the state. Shortly after Weisler’s former classmate, Lt. Col. Grubitz (Ulrich Tukur), invites him to a theatrical piece by celebrated East German playwright Georg Dreyman (Sebastian Koch), Minister Bruno Hempf (Thomas Thieme) informs Weisler that he suspects Dreyman of political dissidence, and wonders if this renowned patriot is all that he seems to be. As it turns out, Hempf has something of an ulterior motive for trying to pin something on Dreyman: a deep-seated infatuation with Christa-Maria Sieland (Martina Gedeck), Dreyman’s girlfriend. Nevertheless, Grubitz, who is anxious to further his career, appoints Weisler to spy on the gentleman with his help. Weisler plants listening devices in Dreyman’s apartment and begins shadowing the writer. As Weisler monitors Dreyman’s daily life, however (from a secret surveillance station in the gentleman’s attic), he discovers the writer is one of the few East Germans who genuinely believes in his leaders. This changes over time, however, as Dreyman discovers that Christa-Maria is being blackmailed into a sexual relationship with Hempf, and one of Dreyman’s friends, stage director Albert Jerska (Volkmar Kleinert), is driven to suicide after himself being blackballed by the government. Dreyman’s loyalty thus shifts away from the East German government, and he anonymously posts an anti-establishment piece in a major newspaper which rouses the fury of government officials. Meanwhile, Weisler becomes deeply emotionally drawn into the lives of Dreyman and Sieland, and becomes something of an anti-establishment figure himself, embracing freedom of thought and expression. A major box-office success in Germany, Das Leben der Anderen (aka The Lives of Others) received its North American premiere at the 2006 Toronto Film Festival. ~ Mark Deming, All Movie Guide

Anybody wanting to be somebody will find the need to take a stance. I’m talking about firmly believing in something. Whether that believe is good or wrong is up to subjective interpretation that translates into the potential outcome of that particular stance. Sometimes we pay with our lives and other times we get the glory it deserves. You will never lead, nor will anybody ever follow your lead if you don’t first believe in yourself. People just don’t like to lean on rotten trees.

Now, as a leader, if we want to make good decisions there are three steps we need to follow:

1. Know the problem: I know it sounds stupid, but many times we make wrong decisions because we don’t understand the problem.
2. Know the ins and outs: we don’t always have the luxury of having the time to figure out the causes to all effects, that’s why practice makes perfection and experience is wisdom.
3. Make up your mind: and more importantly, stick to it. Don’t ever change your mind while you’re making your stance. You shouldn’t if you did a good job on step 2. Also, never doubt yourself while you’re fighting your case. Again, you shouldn’t if you did a good job on step 2. If you forgot to take something into consideration while you were on step 2, then wait until you’re by yourself and then start doubting, change your mind if you have to then make sure you state why; and be prepared to lose credibility as a leader. It’s that whole thing about the rotten tree again. Nobody said leading was easy.

One of the reasons why we live unhappily is because we are not willing to make the right decisions. All three steps necessary to make good decisions don’t take into consideration something that to all of us is very important: emotions. The more we can separate ourselves from our emotions the better our decisions can be. Too many of us have been unable to get out of bad relationships simply because we let our hearts take over. Emotions are such a strong part of our lives that just about everybody is using them to influence the decisions of others.

Stand tall and strong like a tree when you believe in something and don’t let anybody change your mind when you believe it’s good.

Ah yes… I’m finally over the hardest part of the semester. How did I do? I don’ really know yet. I feel like I did pretty well, but we’ll see when the waves come in. I got the last exam exam on Saturday for my Spanish class. Luckily, yo hablo un poquito de español so it shouldn’t be a hard test. I’m kidding, it’s my first language, bitches…

Relationships man… they are the key to a lot of things. People always go easier on you when you’ve got their emotions on your side. I have a reason for saying this, but I promised my professor I wouldn’t tell. Ya dig?

Even if it seems like it, what I’m about to say now is not related to the previous paragraph: I just discovered Facebook. I mean, I’ve had an account for a while, but I never actually gave it a try. Now I see the power it has to connect with old friends. I mainly use Myspace, but what I like about Facebook is that it makes it so easy to find people I know. I just had to put in some major events that go on in my life like high schools and universities and it found a whole lot of people I know from the past and the best part is that it tells me when I may know somebody else.

I had forgotten all about my friends from Panama. Looking at all those faces it makes me realize how much I left behind when I came to the U.S., how many people I actually know from around the world even though I’m always simplifying my life and how good looking I still am. A lot of them have gotten fat. I’m not even going to try to sugar that. Some of them were already ugly so they got nothing to worry about.

This one friend I found was always tall and skinny. The kids used to laugh at her because she was so skinny. Now I see her photos and I know nobody making fun of her now. I remember she was so excited to ware a bra. In classroom she told me once that she was and let me take a peek. She used to let me watch her get undressed in the ladies locker room after gym class. One time I got caught coming out of there and the professor gave me a detention. That meant I got to stay in school doing some bullshit for however many days my punishment was. It was one of my first detentions and I must have been in 7th grade. Having to stay in school extra long on birthday wasn’t fun. I remember that. Ha!

I see some of my old friends are married. Some pursued their dreams and are actually making them happen. Some I can tell have the same personality they always used to have… shy, friendly, cool, whatever… Some have also moved to other countries and still study just like me… It’s good to see everybody doing well.

I am who I am
I am the man who crawls into your bed in the middle of the night
And the same way I come, I leave when I like
I am the moon light you need so you can see at night
I am the sun that brightens your skies
Don’t ever think of me as your other half
Nor come to me when you need advice
I am not your friend nor your father
I am not your creator nor your messenger
I am not your brother nor your lover
I am who I am
I am the man who comes to you in the middle of the night
With a mood that supersedes my actions
I can be gentle or rough, but never expect me to act with hesitation
I make you feel good… and then I leave you to cry
I do not want your love nor do I need it
You know what I want and you will keep on giving it
Why keep asking for my name when you already know the answer
Wanting another answer is simply asking for more pain
I am who I am
And you must leave it at that
If you ask me one more time I will never again cross into your path
You see, in a relationship like this only one can have the feelings
The other is simply the perfect definition of a realist
I am the honest person that you’ve ever come across
I never lie to you, I don’t put anything on a cusp
If you have to leave me because I didn’t lie to you
I understand, and best of lucks to you

My report: It’s not the typical movie. I think most people will find it strange and boring. It takes place in the 1940’s and it moves slowly. At points, the characters even sing. I watched it all, but I wasn’t really into it. I kept waiting for the woman acting as the whore to get naked, but it never happened. I didn’t appreciate the art…

Rating:

About it: Legendary Mexican director Arturo Ripstein explores the mundane and sexual obsession in 1940s Mexico in his 2002 film The Virgin of Lust. Introverted Ignacio “Nacho” Jurado (Luis Felipe Tovar) spends his days waiting tables at the Cafe Ofelia and his nights amongst his voluminous porno collection. His world is turned upside-down when a prostitute named Lola (Ariadne Gil) begins hanging out at the cafe. Nacho is immediately smitten with the whore, but Lola’s mind is focused on a very brutish wrestler who’ll have nothing to do with her. Lola, a natural sadist, recognizes Nacho’s penchant for being dominated and she begins to fully exploit this chance to unleash her cruelty on a willing recipient. As the relationship settles into its regular perverseness, Nacho is presented with what he sees as an opportunity to capture Lola’s heart completely — to become a macho revolutionary hero by assassinating Francisco Franco. The Virgin of Lust was chosen for inclusion into the Upstream program at the 2002 Montreal World Film Festival, winning a Special Mention prize from that program’s jury. ~ Ryan Shriver, All Movie Guide

What I like: her skin, her eyes, her hair. She and her friends have the word “bootylicious” in the dictionary, which I think she represents very well. I like her southern accent and the way she dresses and carries herself. She also seems to have good parents, the kind you can easily get along with and learn something new. I like her smile a lot, although sometimes it looks forced, as if somebody had always whispered in her ears: “you got to smile when you’re in public.” I like that she does more than just music. She’s got the clothing company, perfume, did her own cell phone and I imagine she’s got other things too. Oh yes, she knows how to keep her personal life away from the media.

What I don’t like: it seems she can easily put some extra weight on her legs. They don’t stay toned and skinny. I think she’s not one of those women who stays thin no matter what, and most women don’t so it’s OK. I heard she just got married to Jay-Z after six years of dating… I thought I would meet her before she would do that, but if she’s happy then good. Six years dating someone is a long time. It’s a little worrying that the relationship started when she was about 20, that doesn’t leave space for dating some more and getting to discover herself. You could have had me Beyoncé… Oh well.

I only hope that she’s doing what she wants to do. I’m happy to see her succeed, but I get the feeling that she does things to satisfy others and I hope I’m wrong. She seems a good woman, in and out, and deserves good people to be around her.

I don’t have much to say about chapter 4. Malcolm X talks about his first experiences with girls. We all go through that at some point in our lives. That’s when we learn certain things like:

“Never ask a woman about other men. Either she’ll tell you a lie, and you still won’t know, or if she tells you the truth, you might not have wanted to hear it in the first place.”

I’ve made that mistake. All I got was feelings of jealousy, but I learned quick though. Did it once and never again. There’s no point and the same goes with women asking men. Just don’t ask! Let the pages be written from the time two people meet going forward. Leave the extra baggage behind or the relationship will be doomed from the beginning. Unfortunately I’ve been there.

We must have broken up at least five times in two years. And every time, I knew it was the right thing to do, but it was so hard to do because I cared so much about her and I felt like I always had the power to pull her back into the relationship.

I knew how she felt about us though, and I knew I was being selfish by manipulating the relationship. I also knew that I didn’t want someone that wasn’t sure about being with me. So one night I went to her apartment. She had not been answering my text messages or calls like she usually does and that bit of anger helped me do what I always knew I had to do. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was sort of an ultimatum. I wanted her to tell me whether she wanted to be together “yes” or “no”. She said “no.” She just wasn’t sure about us and she never was. I know she wasn’t trying to be mean about it, just honest. I needed her to tell me that. I couldn’t be the one to tell her it was over because I loved her too much.

We both took it well. I gathered the few things I had in her apartment and left as soon as I could. She just stood by the entrance hall as tears were running down her cheeks. When I passed her by to go for the front door she asked me if I at least was going to give her a hug. I think she thought I was angry at her and I didn’t think she would want me to hug her, but of course I did once she asked. I hugged her and kissed her forehead. That was the last time I touched her.

Katie will always be an important part of my life. I gave her more than two years of it and learned a lot in the process. I don’t know what the future holds for me, but I know I made the right decision in the past. I am glad I didn’t just run away from Katie that first night we went out. I wouldn’t have known already what it is to love someone the way I did for her: enough to let her go and be happy. I would have also not known by now what it is to have a broken heart. And that’s an important thing to know so I can appreciate the good things even more.

I wish her the best.

The relationship was rocky from the beginning. It never turned into a fairy tale for more than one reason. We each had a couple at least.

For her:

1. She couldn’t trust me completely because of my past and the things that always seemed to be popping out of nowhere. I never cheated on her, but I felt like I was being punished for all the wrong shit I did. Call it Karma.
2. There was that time issue. She was at a point in her life were she wanted to be free. No attachments, just be single and discover herself. By being around I wasn’t allowing that to happen.

As for myself:

1. Money: I have always wanted to make serious cash. I’m not talking regular money, I’m talking about developing unique skills that will make me at least a few millions to start. I was also starting to see the financial burden of my failed business (Bullen Tea) and the social life I was living before I met Katie. And that just came right back to the second problem.
2. Time: just the wrong time for her to come around. With money problems and me trying to handle a full time job, full time classes, making time to see her and at the same time develop new business ideas to get rich from… right, that wasn’t going to go smooth.

Some of my co-workers may look at me and think that I’m just wasting my life. Maybe think that I have so much potential, if I was only willing to put more time and effort into what I do at work. Why? I’ve been there and done that, and at the end of the road, the rewards don’t make up for the sacrifices.

When I first came to America, I was the first person to show up to work and the last to leave. I would work Saturdays and Sundays, take work home and sometimes without pay, just to make sure the work was done and my boss would appreciate the effort. Sure, my boss appreciated that effort and the work got done on time. But that was about it… What? One or two extra dollars an hour is supposed to make me happy? I’m looking at the business owners drop by every other day to do a quick check on the business and off they go with pockets full of cash to socialize with important customers over beers while I’m doing all the ground work. Sorry, but I’m sucker free.

So I’m working for someone else so I can put food on the table and pay bills. If one employer doesn’t like what I got to give, another one will. Shit… this is America! If you want a job, you get a job. My goal is not to be like the business men that walk in to do a quick check on their business every day. I’m not lazy… never happened. My goal is to not be where I am right now. To work for myself. To learn everything I can from my experiences. To not have to depend on anyone with the power to come to me any given day and say “That’s it, you no longer have a job.” And home I will go with new worries in my head… how will I pay for food, my bills, my kids college tuition, etc. See I’d rather put my trust on a million customers. Work harder for them than any one else. And if the relationship with a customer doesn’t work out, I lose a customer I can always try to get back. I wouldn’t be turning my world upside down with the lost of one relationship.

To my co-workers: next time you think I’m being lazy, you should know mentally I’m always on a business venture. I saw the end of the road you are taking and I didn’t like it. I’m not saying what you’re doing is bad… it’s just not for me.

Dear Katie,

It was about three years ago when I first saw you. The first night we went on a date I knew you were going to be an important person in my life. I’m very thankful for all the time we have spent together and I wish the good times would never stop.

I learned a lot about myself and what I’m looking for in a woman. You have many of the qualities I want and I wish we could have worked the rest out. I understand that you do not want to be my girlfriend, and I respect your decision. My decision is to no longer be a part of your life and I hope that you will respect that also. I have too much pride to be in this type of relationship. I need someone to treat me with the respect I try to give back, and I’m not getting that.

This has been a very difficult decision for me to make, only because I love you so much. But I am not happy and as long as I continue to put my feelings aside for the benefit of yours, I will not be happy. There are things I’ve seen and heard that I wish I could just erase from my thoughts. I’m convinced that you don’t know how much I love you, that you are not ready to accept my love, and that you don’t love me just as much.

I wish you all the best in your life and thanks again, for all the time you’ve given me.

Antonio

P.S.: I never gave her this letter…

Writing in this book was of great help in the past when trying to work on my personal life. I think it will also help me today as it did years ago and that is the reason why I’m doing this tonight.

Tracy and I are not together anymore since May of this year. It was a mutual decision, although she was the one to break up with me first; I would have done it a couple of days later because of my morals.

Since then I’ve been able to concentrate a lot more on myself. I am finally learning how to interact with people better and meeting people to the point where it has become very easy. I meet people these days wherever I am, but only some become special or rather call my attention in a different way. One of them is Regina. A girl I met at my history class during the spring semester at College Of the Desert and liked. It is a shame that I didn’t know how to develop the relationship into something more. She is now in San Francisco, but will be returning by the end of the month to continue studying. I’ll probably see her again.

Shannon is now the new girl in town. The one that has occupied my recent thoughts. Since I met her she seems to have a great personality. She knows how to flirt and is not afraid to show it, unlike me. I simply become fish out of the water because I haven’t been able to erase the so many years of solitude. It just became normal to me to not be hugged or feel like no one really cares about me. Yes, it still hurts me every day.